Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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