Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
