dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
