How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
