when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
