I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
