hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
