if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
