We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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