he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Shame - the story of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
