Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
