i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
