Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
