I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
