is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
