I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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