Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
