Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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