I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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