Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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