I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
