We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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