4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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