like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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