I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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