I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
