I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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