ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
