I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
