How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
