There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize