Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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