Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
