Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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