I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
