tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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