Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
