Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
honey bunches of taint.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
