can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
