I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
