i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize