she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
