I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize