of course. lets lasso hookers.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't deserve a penis
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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