sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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