would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
