my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
