Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
