The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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