How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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