I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
