Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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