i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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