..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
