He uses pillows to masturbate.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
