he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
