Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
