I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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