Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
