5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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