I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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