I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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