I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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