apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
