420 ftw
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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