I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
