The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
