Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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