I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize