Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
