Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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