You're my little dorito
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize