as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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