I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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