i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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