i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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