According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
