The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
