I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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