am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
