just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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