im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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