we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
