Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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