Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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