"it" just moved
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
