her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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