i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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