she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
