Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
