What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
