Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
