So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
from now on my penis is your penis
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I sprained my soul last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
