this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
