the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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