We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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